“To our queer old Dean.” William Archibald Spooner, a toast, Oxford University What’s What
I write so readers take notice.
Whatever – and wherever - they might be reading.
My copy has cropped up in housing showrooms, hotel foyers and on the walls of the gents’ in the boozer.
I’ve written brochures for car launches, conference centres and kitchen sinks.
I’ve appealed to the good people of Cheshire to donate funds to its Queen’s School.
Explained why holidaymakers should consider using their Visa card abroad.
Extolled the health benefits of eating the salmon you get from M&S.
And asked your local supermarket to think about putting in a mezzanine floor.
My words have appeared next to naked models in towels, and on skirting boards which hide your wires.
As well as on the odd cartoon and Christmas card.
I’ve penned online headlines for fast cars and trains, and radio ads for a symphony orchestra which got me into trouble.
And plenty more besides.
I once won a nice glass award which my son chipped with his Power Rangers MegaFist.
I ask realistic rates.
And I think being nice doesn’t cost anything.